Five Ways to Stop Worrying About What People Think

Ruairí Stewart aka Happy-Whole Coach – is a London-based Psychotherapist who has dedicated his career to changing people’s lives. Specialising in self-esteem and relationships, Ruairí guides his clients towards new patterns of behaviour which grants them the freedom to live life on their own terms. Through one-to-one clarity sessions and talking therapy, he works with his clients to understand the intangible barriers which stand in the way of identifying their true calling. As a therapist to people from all corners of the world, Ruairí finds the most common struggle for those lacking confidence and suffering with anxiety, is that they are hugely concerned about what other people think or say. This can be a crippling affliction which embeds itself deep, causing negative self-image and a lack of self-belief and confidence.

Graduating from Queen’s University Belfast with a degree in Psychology in 2010 and later completing a postgraduate degree in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Ruairí found his passion for individual, couples and relationship therapy. Motivated by witnessing the moment clients connect with their core-selves and finally achieving self-belief, psychotherapy uses psychological methods to help people change their behaviour and overcome their problems.
Using an informal and personable approach, Ruairí illustrates to his clients how changing their behaviours can offer them a new lease of life. Vanquishing people-pleasing habits and building self-trust are the pillars of his methods, allowing people to escape feelings of self-doubt and frustration at being ‘stuck in a rut’. His most ardent supporters are his previous clients, who credit him for the success they experience following the healing process of his therapy sessions.
Ruairí Stewart, The Happy Whole Coach comments: “My work is geared towards behaviour change and results. I focus on raising self-esteem and confidence, building self-trust and helping my clients to tap into their most authentic selves. It’s amazing to watch people transform over a few weeks or months, all while letting go of the limiting beliefs that are getting in the way of achieving what they want. I speak to my clients like human beings, in a relaxed and informal manner, because getting results doesn’t need to be intimidating.

For anyone who struggles to speak up and be heard, Ruairí offers 5 actions to help remedy the problem and allow space for growth into a person who with high self-esteem and self-worth. He has shared these below – please do let me know if you’re interested in featuring? More detailed information is available on request.

1. Become solid in who you are as a person

It’s important to give yourself the space and time to understand who you are as an individual. You can do this by considering the following questions: what are my beliefs? What are my values? What matters most to me in my life? What impact do I want to have on the world? Reflect on your answers and compare them to the life you’re living now. Do you believe that the life you’re currently leading directly aligns with the life you want to lead?

2. Recognise your business

It’s very common for anxious people to waste their energy trying to ascertain what others are thinking. The hard truth is, you can never truly know what others think or feel unless they explicitly tell you. The other thing is, it’s not really any of your business! Focus on allowing the real you to be seen and heard. Showing up honestly will attract people who value you for you. You’ll learn to shrug off any external rejection or criticism you may experience because you’ll feel confident in yourself to an extent where the only opinion about yourself that matters, is yours.

3. Own and honour your feelings

Trust your gut! Especially those people-pleasers out there. Practice speaking the truth, let your feelings be known and you will unlock those deeper, intimate connections in your personal relationships. The right people will listen and respect you and your thoughts. The wrong people will kickback or react negatively. It’s about knowing the difference.

4. Understand that perfection does not exist

Ultimately, you cannot be all things to all people. Making mistakes is what makes us human, and your failures do not define you. When you fail, because you will, learn from the experience and empathise with yourself – pick yourself up and try again. Secondly, check the standards you hold yourself to. Hear your self-talk and listen to the judgements you are making about yourself. Ensure that these judgements are coming from you, not anybody else, no matter how important you believe their opinion to be.

5. Develop empathy and self-compassion

Do not forget that how you construct your inner-world has a direct impact on how you show up in the outer world. Become your own cheerleader. You can do this by:

  • Reminding yourself of your strengths and successes on a regular basis and taking stock over daily or weekly wins
  • Being aware of how you speak to yourself
  • Speaking to yourself in a loving and positive way

Lastly, remember that you can’t change thought habits or patterns of behaviour overnight. You need to work consistently to show up honestly in the outside world and push through the anxiety you feel. When you learn to let go of the need to control what others think of you, it will change your life and relationships for the better.


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