Is your life about surviving, or thriving?

Words By Stephen Bruyant-Langer, author of ‘The Existential Playbook – How to Survive, Live and Thrive’

Reaching a crossroads or what seems like a dead end in life is not uncommon. Feeling stuck is frustrating and can lead to real feelings of despair, even among highly successfulindividuals. In my book, “The Existential Playbook,” I use my decades of experience working as an executive coach and headhunter for major corporations to offer a comprehensive guide to not just surviving, but truly living and thriving.

Here are some steps you can take to help transform your life.

Look at your life as a whole

When we feel stuck, our instinct is often to zero in on the problematic area and change something. However, life doesn’t exist in neat compartments. Your work affects your home life; your relationships influence your career. To truly flourish, we need to adopt a holistic view.

I encourage you to ask yourself: What do you want from life? What brings you meaning? These are big questions, but they’re crucial for living a fulfilling life.

When we are uncertain about our ultimate goals and meaning of our life, we end up firefighting short-term issues as they come up. This doesn’t solve our bigger issues or move us forward.

By gaining existential clarity, you can approach life with “relaxed readiness” – a state where you’re prepared to handle challenges flexibly, guided by your long-term goals and values. And knowing you are always heading towards where you want to be.

Develop existential clarity

Most people I work with are uncertain about the meaning of their life. There is no single answer ─ everyone will have a different meaning. Finding your meaning starts with understanding yourself. To help you do this, ask yourself the following questions:

What were your most fulfilling years? What made them stand out? What do you want to stand for? What’s holding you back?

While it’s important not to dwell on the past, it can provide valuable insights. Identify what made past experiences meaningful and consider how to incorporate similar elements into your future.

To further develop clarity, I recommend two “existential hacks”:

Expose yourself to awe: Seek out experiences that inspire wonder and perspective.
Practice courage: Step out of your comfort zone regularly.

It is amazing how much difference these two easy hacks will make to your life and your ability to find meaning and the path that is right for you.

Define success on your own terms

Society often measures success by external markers: salary, prestige, possessions. But do these align with your personal values? Do those things really matter to you?

Consider:

What are your true goals?
What do you long for?
How will you define success?

Imagine yourself at the end of your life. What would make you proud? What would have made life worth living?

Creating a meaningful, long-term, sustainable change in your life, requires you to know where you want to go. What does a meaningful and successful life mean to you?

Use these insights to define success on your own terms. No compromises. No restrictions. No excuses.

Make a Choice, Take Action, Accept Responsibility (CAR)

Existential philosophy and psychology tell us that we need three things to become unstuck: choice, action and responsibility.

Choice

Once you have developed existential clarity, have the courage to choose the life you want. Again, no compromises. Don’t think in terms of “either/or”; instead, choose “both/and”. For instance, you might decide that both a fulfilling career and strong family relationships are crucial to your well-being.

Action

But choice without action leads to procrastination. We need to take action to bring our goals into reality. Be bold and make potentially dramatic changes to live the life you want. Thinking alone won’t make things happen. In our example, you might schedule regular family dinners and set boundaries at work to ensure you can attend them.

Responsibility

Finally, we need to accept responsibility for our actions. Every action (or, often, inaction) has consequences. Action without responsibility leads to blame-shifting and poor future decision-making. After all, it’s all someone else’s fault, right? So, what’s the point of making choices if we aren’t responsible for the outcome? This is an unhealthy perspectivethat will leave you feeling as though life happens to you, rather than recognising that you have the power to make your life.

If we are free to choose, we must accept the responsibilities for our choices. We can then learn from our choices, which, in turn, allows us to make the next choice with full awareness and a feeling of control. Responsibility thereby enhances our ability to make good future choices.

In our family dinner example, taking responsibility might mean being fully present during these interactions, even if it sometimes means saying no to work commitments. By half-heartedly attending the dinner and not really engaging with your family because you allow yourself to the pulled back to work (for example), means that neither action will feel satisfactory, both will feel ‘wrong’ or stressful, and overall,you won’t have achieved the goal you set yourself. So, make your choices and take responsibility for them by committing to them.

Many people end up stuck when they make a choice and complete an action that ends up going awry. This can happen, despite your genuine best intentions and actions. You may then fear making future choices as you now have a fear of getting it wrong. Responsibility without choice leads to rumination and anxiety. But, by stepping back and looking at your long-term goals, you may discover that the ‘wrong’ choice was simply a speed bump on the journey of your life.

Remember, mistakes don’t define your life, but your reaction to them can. Embrace change as an opportunity for growth and learning.

Surviving, living, thriving

To live a full life we need to survive, by which I mean life needs to be sustainable and meet our survival needs. These include food, water and shelter, but also a sense of self-esteem and relationships. It is important to think about the long-termneeds of your life, not just the shortterm ones.

Next, we need to live. This means making choices, taking action and accepting responsibility. In this way, we move our lives forward on our own terms and feel empowered to curate our present and future. This is the on-going process of living a fulfilling and meaningful life.

Finally, we want to thrive. Thriving is about the feeling of lightness, energy, optimism, and joy we get from making meaningful changes in our life with the long-term picture firmly in mind.

To truly thrive, I encourage you to invest in strong relationships and commit to lifelong learning. Stay curious and open to new experiences – these are key to cognitive health and personal development.

Your Existential Playbook

By applying these principles, you can discover existential clarity and achieve a state of relaxed readiness, where you are capable of handling anything that comes your way with grace and relative ease. You will cut the strings of the past, curate your present life, and design a future where you can thrive. You will transform life into something full and meaningful.

Remember, life is constantly evolving, and so are you. Embrace this journey of self-discovery and growth. Start today: reflect on your values, set meaningful goals, and take one small action towards the life you envision. Your existential playbook is waiting to be written – it’s time to pick up the pen.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Stephen Bruyant-Langer has over 30 years’ experience as an executive coach and leadership expert, guiding top executives and leaders worldwide to reach their full potential. He is founder of The Personal Business Plan, the new standard in executive coaching, and through his Executive Coaching Programme, he has transformed the lives of hundreds of high-level executives using his unique 10-step system for personal and professional development.

Stephen blends corporate, academic, entrepreneurial and consulting skills, having held senior positions with industry leaders like The Coca-Cola Company, L’Oréal and Korn Ferry.

He has authored two bestselling books (‘Your Next Career – A head-hunter’s guide to lifelong success’ and ‘The Personal Business Plan — A blueprint for running your life’) and over 400 articles on leadership. In parallel he has served as an Associate Professor at Copenhagen Business School as well as an Associate at the Møller Institute, Churchill College, University of Cambridge. His third book, The Existential Playbook – How to Survive, Live and Thrive was published September 2024.

ENSURE YOUR LIPS ARE KISSABLY PERFECT FOR THE YULETIDE WITH 6 OF THE BEST LIP BALMS

Ahhh the Festive Party season is approaching fast and if you want to ensure your Christmas Kisses under the mistletoe, make sure your lips are as suave and smooth as the rest of you. And as alwaysClothes Make the Man has done the research to make your life that little bit easier, so check out 6 of the best Lip Balms;

Carmex original lip balm

When it comes to lip care, Carmex may very well be the ‘king of the castle’ as it strives to produce the best and most effective lip balms on the market. Medicated balm in a tube is the simplest way to describe Carmex, as this fuss-free lip balm does exactly as it says on the tin. Featuring an analgesic ingredient which helps relieve pain, this cocoa butter and beeswax balm will soothe lips and keep them feeling fresh

TOM FORD FOR MEN HYDRATING LIP BALM

This Ultra-emollient Lip Balm contains a unique blend of Almond Oil, Shea Butter, Avocado Extract and Vitamins A and E to soothe and condition dry lips. The balm seals in moisture, helping to protect lips from the effects of any kind of weather so they feel comfortable  and look tip top

NIVEA essential care

The moisturising formula of Nivea’s lip balm enriched with Jojoba and Shea butter prevents moisture loss and leaves lips soft and smooth

Burt’s Bees NEW Ultra Moisturising lip treatment

This balm features antioxidant rich Kokum Butter, packed with essential fatty acids. It’s harvested from the fruit of the Garcinia Tree and is believed to soften skin and improve elasticity. Combined with rich Shea Butter and Vitamin E, tokeep lips supple and smooth all day long. Burt’s Bees products are free of petrochemicals and other synthetic ingredients like phthalates, parabens or sodium lauryl sulphate and they are not tested on animals

Phatstix

Say hello to Phatstix – Born from a beauty industry veteran’s frustration with subpar lip balms, Phatstix delivers a solution for dry, chapped skin anywhere on your body. Phatstix is your no-nonsense, all-natural skin savior in a generous 30g twist-up. This multitasking marvel nourishes and protects lips, face, and anywhere else needing TLC, without any nasty ingredients or crazy luxury markup

KIEHLS 

Last up on our list is Kiehls lip balm #1. Mint flavoured, enriched with vitamin A and E, featuring sweet almond oil, aloe vera and lanolin, this balm is a great all rounder you’re certain to find on the high street. You can also choose other flavours such as pear, cranberry and even mango, so theres a flavour for any chapped-lip favour

Change in the air – anatomé new skincare range


As the seasons change and cooler weather sets in, it’s the perfect time to refresh your skincare routine. To assist with this anatomé’s have launched their new formulated skincare range. Consisting of an Illuminating Face Oil, Botanical Cleansing Balm, Illuminating Face Toner and the Hydrating Face Moisturiser. 

The new collection, enriched with powerful botanicals like Rose-Hip oil (natural retinol) Avocado oil, Grape seed, Jojoba, sesame and pumpkin seeds designed to nourish and protect your skin during this transitional period. anatomé believe in the transformative power of nature, and research supports our commitment essential oils and botanical extracts serve as effective alternatives to chemical-based creams, promoting healthy, radiant skin. 

These plant-powered actives work harmoniously with your skin, promoting long lasting skin health and naturally supporting the ageing process.  The an unrivalled arsenal of Hyaluronic Acid, Peptides, Argan, Frankincense, and Probiotics, making it highly effective for dry skin. The inclusion of natural essential oils in the formulation ensures intense hydration and nourishment. 

Arthur Beale – Not just Knitwear to get you through Winter but you could wear to the North Pole !

Arthur Beale have been equipping Voyager, wayfarers, Vagabonds and pioneers for over 500 years. They have provided ropes and chandlery equipment for Polar exploration and early Everest expedition for Ernest Shackleton, Gino Watkins and many more. Priding themselves on their passion and dedication for high quality kit for every kind of adventure.

Grace’s Guide to British Industry says that Arthur Beale was established as a rope maker called John Buckinghams circa 1500. Our Sign says “Established 400 years” but the sign is 60 years old! We have never moved from our current spot but in those days the Parish of St Giles area was surrounded by fields, possibly growing the flax we used to make our rope. The Church of St Giles in the Fields still stands across the road.

John Buckingham not only made rope and twine but sacks and mats too. The town of London gradually encroached on St Giles and the company needed more space to meet the demand so they set up other rope walks in Islington and also on the banks of the Fleet in Kentish Town.

In 1864 the Alpine Club of Great Britain being distressed by various climbing rope failures decided to set up a committee to carry out strength tests. Out of all the ropes they tested only three met their standards. All three were made by Buckingham and Sons of Broad Street, St Giles.

The Alpine Club Rope grew in popularity and was used throughout the world. It was ordered for all the early Everest Expeditions as well as by Shackleton (see image above) for his polar exploits. In fact, we also supplied Shackleton’s Ice Axes and specialist pulleys. Our archives have many letters from famous explorers together with signed order forms from Ernest Shackleton.

Moving closer to present day and since the closure of their shop following the pandemic they have managed to move from strength to strength, developing and expanding their successful clothing ranges as well as introducing a new Gin!!!! Their warehouse in Buckinghamshire allows them the space to experiment & develop new products.

Oiled wool pullovers, submariner jumpers, sailors roll necks come under many names, but they haven’t changed much through the centuries. Oiled wool pullovers have been an essential piece of kit for adventurers.  All of their pullovers are 100% British wool and made in the UK. The Knitting patterns are based on traditional pullover styles drawn from their 500 year old archive.

Footwear Expert Explains How To Break In Shoes For Free This Winter

Autumn is in full swing and your footwear choices are vital in ensuring your feet are warm and dry, but breaking in shoes can be an uphill battle. 

Footwear expert, Julian Nelson from A Fine Pair of Shoes, who are a shoe supplier with our 20 years experience in high quality mens shoes for customers across the UK, has revealed 5 hacks to break in troublesome shoes this autumn/winter. 

1) “Wear thick socks

Wearing thick socks can help stretch out boots/shoes that are causing discomfort. Alternatively, doubling up on socks and wearing two pairs can provide a level of cushioning to help pad your feet.

2) Apply heat 

Using a hairdryer on a low heat can help make your shoes more flexible, and this can work particularly well on leather shoes. Put on socks and then put the shoes on and hold the hairdryer 4-10 inches away from the shoe, focusing on tight areas. 

3) Use ice

Put a partially filled sandwich bag of water in the tight areas of the shoe, and then put the shoe into the freezer. As the water freezes, it will expand and help stretch the shoe. 

4) Stuff them with newspaper

For loosening up tight toes, pack some newspaper tightly into your shoe and leave it for a while.

5) Invest in a shoe stretcher 

Investing in a shoe stretcher is a great way to stretch shoes to the length or width desired. There are several types so be careful when selecting the one you need. To use a shoe stretcher: 

 

  • Spray the shoe with a shoe stretching solution to help relax the fibres
  • Place the stretcher in the shoe and turn the handle so the shoe expands
  • Leave for six to eight hours 
  • Remove the handle and see how the shoe fits
  • If it doesn’t feel comfortable, turn the handle again and repeat the process”