Dr Love’s top 5 tips for couples at St Valentine’s Day

With LURVE well and truly in the air this week at Clothes-Make-the-Man this week we caught up with relationship expert, psychologist and therapist, Dr. Kalanit Ben-Ari, who has recently launched her 30 day online course ‘Ready for Love’ specifically for couples. The course condenses Dr. Kalanit’s 16 years of experience into one, easy to follow programme featuring her tips, secrets and practical advice.

With over 15 years’ experience, Dr. Kalanit has built a solid reputation for providing a first-class service at her private clinic in Hampstead, London. As a wife and mother of two, her passion and dedication to help couples prosper in their relationship and for families to work together as a strong unit is second to none. Dr. Kalanit has also published two books, ‘Small Steps to Great Parenting – The Essential Guide for Busy Families’, which provides cutting edge information on parenting and reached Amazon Best seller, and ‘The Lost Book’, which is written for those aged four to eight and demonstrates to children and parents alike how frustration can be turned into a creative and positive experience.

For couples who simply want to spice up their relationship, learn new things about themselves, their partner or their partnership. For couples searching for tools and direction to transform challenges into meaningful and happy relationships – Ready For Love is specifically designed to help couples get the relationship they desire.

Dr. Kalanit’s proven programme can help shift old habits, unlock the relationship’s true potential, and help couples to fall in love all over again. Designed with today’s busy lifestyle in mind, all of the content is concise but fun. Today, she has shared her top five tips for couples to make the most of Valentine’s Day and help strengthen their relationship long-term.

1) Think outside the box: plan a ‘novelty’ experience. In a long term relationship, you’ve probably exhausted the dinner and a movie date option. Think about a time when you were more adventurous and look for high energy, fun activities that create an exciting shift in energy. This is ideal if you’re active people, but even if you’re not – the bonding hormones can kick in with a joint activity. For the adventurous ones, research shows that when we feel fear and excitement we often fancy the person we do it with!

2) Think from your partner’s point of view: we often give to others what we would like to receive ourselves, but the key to a meaningful gift is to plan something you know your partner will really appreciate. And if you’re not sure, it’s ok to ask the other person before assuming (in a subtle way of course). Opening up these kinds of conversations can bring you much closer together. You might be more sociable than your partner who prefers something more intimate. You may want to go away as a couple for the weekend, but your partner would prefer a physical gift to open.

3) Commit to growth and development: if things aren’t going smoothly in your relationship, use Valentine’s Day as an opportunity for growth and development, rather than a symbolic one-off event. There are some great relationship workshops out there that can be a game-changers for couples who aren’t sure where to start. For instance, the Imago educational weekend for couples, or my ‘Ready For Love’ online courses for couples at all different stages. There are also a number of books with exercises you can do by yourself, such as ‘Getting The Love You Want’ by Harville Hendrix and Hellen Lukkely-Hunt, or ‘Hot Monogamy’ by Pat Love. Committing yourself to a process that will rejuvenate your relationship – you might just fall in love with your partner all over again.

4) Look for a gift with meaning: think about your relationship and ask yourself if there are any pieces missing. Use what you come up with to guide you in the direction of a gift with meaning. For instance, if you feel that you take each other for granted, make a list of all the things you love and appreciate about your partner, and be passionate about it. Include all aspects of your life: career, finance, physicality, intimacy, parenthood, social life and so on. On the morning of Valentine’s Day, share the list with them, and you can both start the day feeling positive and full of love and appreciation.

5)  Fun, fun, fun! In my experience as a couples therapist, I can tell you one thing for sure; in long-term relationship, couples rarely have the right balance between shared responsibilities and fun/romance. Having fun not only serves you by creating a ground on which to flourish and overcome challenging times, but it is the essence of who we are. The joyfulness of relationships can be dulled by daily stress and responsibilities, we think we don’t have time for fun. It’s not about finding the time however, it’s about being mindful and prioritising, and you can find opportunities for this throughout every day. Something as small as welcoming your partner home at the end of the day with a level of over-excitement, as if you hadn’t seen them for a week, can help bring back the feeling of excitement and lust you felt at the start of the relationship.


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