Words by Anne Jones, author of ‘How to heal’

Family, friends and partners are important elements of life, and our happiness levels are affected by whether these relationships are positive and uplifting or toxic and depressing. A great deal (at least 50%) of my work as a spiritual healer is to help people improve the vibrations of their closest connections. I help clients to release the yearning for lost love, to heal current associations and to be open to finding a new partner.

The people who are closest to you, who spend the most time with you, are connected to you by energy cords. Your thoughts are energy streams and constant thoughts create links to the people you spend time with. If your relationship is loving, then the cord that connects you will be vibrant and strong with love flowing constantly (apart from the odd tiff!). However, if a friend, family member or colleague is too demanding, needy or overwhelming they will be stealing your energy and the cord between you will be heavy and toxic.

Here are just some of the situations that can occur with people you share time with or who are constantly in touch with you.


If a relationship is out of balance and the other person clings to you with hooks and takes a ride on your vibrancy and enthusiasm for life, they will drain your energy. You will be exhausted after spending time with them.

Negative thinking and depressed

If you spend time with a pessimistic, depressed, or miserable person you can be affected by their heavy energy and theirnegative thought forms of worry, concern and depression will bring down the vibration of your own energy.


If someone close tries to manipulate or control you by bullying or making you feel guilty then you will lose your self-esteem, lose your confidence, believe what they tell you and become programmed by their sense of superiority or their demands.

Angry or emotional

A person who allows their emotions to boil over easily will make you feel insecure. When you are the target of someone’s irrational and emotive venting, you will become weaker in yourself, unable to make decisions, vulnerable and low spirited.


The connections between you and other people are energy streams created by your thoughts. If you want to change the status of your relationship you need to start with an intention to transform the energy that flows between you. Forgiving and opening a positive dialogue can help and you can shift the energy between you by channelling positive vibrations into the link, the cord, that flows between you.

Here are several ways you can manage the health and positivity of your relationships at home and work.

Clearing toxic energies

The cords that connect you to people you know well are created by your thoughts and the energy vibrations are affected by the emotions attached to those thoughts. So, if you are angry with your sister-in-law then a stream of heavy energy will reach her and affect the way she feels. Your cord to her and her cord to you are intertwined by your association so anything she feels will flow through to you.

Here are simple steps that can help clear the toxic energy that flows between you and someone close and can also release you from their controlling or manipulative attitudes and behaviour:

1. Write the name of the person involved on a piece of paper
2. Hold the intention to clear the air between you – to let bygones be bygones and to forgive
3. If the person controls or dominates you, your intention is to set yourself free
4. Cut a length of thread to represent the cord that connects you
5. Release the negative energy in the cord by saying:I send love and forgiveness to clear the cord between [name] and myself. I set myself free, now right now, right now.And break the cord or cut with scissors
6. Complete by sending healing into the cord. You can use Reiki or this symbol (below) which will invoke light and healing energy streams that flow through your hands. Draw the symbol, with your hands, three times in the air then place your hands on the name of the person.

Prevent your energy from being zapped

Protection is the best option when dealing with the negative fall-out of other people’s issues. By protecting and sealing your energy field you can prevent yourself from being overwhelmed by another person’s negativity. Whenever I work alongside other people, I do what humans have always done when they are attacked I create a castle! Here your intention is to imagine a fortress that is a barrier to heavy and negative energies that can invade and contaminate your own energy. It is highly effective!

1. Visualise a castle, one you create to your taste. Here is an example.
2. Visualise it having extremely thick walls and say:My energy is sealed and protected now, right now, right now, only positive energy and love can enter.”

Other protective measures include pulling down a garage door when someone starts to vent their anger or frustration at you, ideal if you work with the public. Another is to visualise a large egg with thick walls that repel negative thoughts – they bounce off the outside layer. Any of these rituals will put you back in control and prevent other people’s emotions from disturbing or stealing your life force and vitality.

If a person is depending on you or leans too heavily, they will become a burden, and this will tire you. Burdens sit on your shoulders like boulders. Every day imagine sweeping these heavy burdens of dependency from your shoulders.

Bringing a new relationship into your life

There can be several reasons why you are struggling to find a loving partner. If you have been badly hurt and abused in a previous relationship you will need to heal the wounds and imprints to your heart. You will also need to bring down any barriers you have put up yourself. The healing you need will depend on the intensity of the pain of the breakup and is best helped by a therapist. However, to get you started, here are some basics steps you can take that will help you free yourselfand clear barriers to new love:

1. Clear redundant cords

You will need to clear any old cords that may still be attaching you to past love. If someone leaves you, they will take their cord, but you may still be attached as you yearn for your lost love. Now is the time to cut yourself free – ready for new love. Do it now, get out the scissors. Take a thread and cut it, set yourself free right now.

2. Vows, contracts and promises

You may be tied to someone by a vow or promise – as in a marriage ceremony or even the words you say “I will be yours for ever and ever” – wonderful if you are still together but not so good if that person is long out of your life. Release any redundant vows by saying:I clear and release myself from all vows and contracts I wish to dissolve, now, right now, right now.”

3. Open your heart

You may have closed your heart deliberately when hurt by rejection. So set your intention to be open to love by placing your hands together in front of your heart centre (in the middle of your chest), these are now the doors to your heart. Open them slowly and deliberately three times and say:I open my heart to receive love, now, right now, right now.”Now use the healing symbol to receive healing for heartache and grief and after you have traced it in the air, place your hands on your chest.


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